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Randy: Ray William Johnson subscribed to me!
David: No he didn't.
Randy: Yes he di-- oh wait, it was just some black guy.
The Next stage in the saga for FPS supremecy!
The latest saga for control of the first-shooter genre of games leads us to the latest battlefield, Battlefield 3. In this review, I exercise a shit-load of caution after Battlefield Bad Company 2, and the fact that the Bullshit detector is very fragile after the fifth excrement review. The last stage of this saga saw Battle field lose a lot of ground to Call of Duty, not to say that COD 7 was any good (in fact it was shithouse by their standards and not much better by any others), it is just that Bad Company was bad. Fucking awful to be precise, so hold your breath"�
Okay breathe properly now, (I cannot have you dying while not having read the rest of the review.) and we shall start. Battlefield 3 is the next link in the series of Battlefields that have been played over the years (thankfully, Bad Company (which is exactly what it is, Bad Company) is not directly linked to this series. Both of the first two Battlefields have enjoyed a shitload of success, both in its prime and today with many players preferring the better gameplay of the slightly older games. (For once they got fucking right!).
The campaign storyline starts off with a chase through New York City with the cops in pursuit. You decide it looks like a nice day, I'll jump off a bridge onto a very fast moving train. The seemingly fucked up idea is explained when you kick through a window onto the train. The train is being held by some random fucked up terrorists who could not shit straight let alone shoot straight. You fight through the train with ease until you see a dickhead setting a bomb on the cart, you then jump out the window across to the other carriage, GET SHOT and still manage to climb to the top of the carriage. One the bullshit detector alarm was turned off, you crawl along the roof, and start fighting again. The level ends when you get knocked down at gunpoint and asked basic interrogation questions.
The campaign then takes the exact same sort of set-up as Call of Duty: Black Ops. Where you have been captured and are being held for information regarding a nuclear attack on U.S soil. If Call of Duty are reading this, firstly hi, secondly copyright the fuck out of this. The campaign goes back to when the sergeant first heard and fought the PLR (who gives a shit what it stands for, it is corrupt and full of terrorists, like any other middle-eastern organisation is all you need to know.) You start to learn the basics of the game and are about to exit successfully when a major earthquake hits. This sort of twist in the gameplay is extremely good and has not been used by any other game to as good of an affect.
Throughout the campaign, you continue to fight as Sergeant Blackburn (in the game it sounds like blackman), as a female fighter pilot (which I shall bitch over later), a tank driver (SERGEANT Williams, again another rage session.) and a Spetsnaz operative in Paris. The campaign is centred around a war which has erupted over power faction struggles and the war actions taken against U.S soldiers by the PLR after the earthquake in Iraq. The war starts off with the assault on Iran (yes, Iran. This is actually a good thing, inventing a new war out of a situation that could actually happen today is very good thinking behind the storyline.) and the capturing of key areas within Iran. You then follow intelligence reports and attack a stronghold that supposedly houses the leader of the PLR, when you find the nuke and the missing nukes.
You then play as the Russian special forces officer and waste Paris. Apart from the satisfaction I get from fucking up a fuck up of a city, the gameplay at this stage is very addictive, and the storyline is starting to fit. You will understand what the fuck is going on. You have said that you have information on how to prevent a nuclear attack on New York, they suspect that you in association with the Russian spec ops officer have planned the attack on Paris and are wanted for genocide.
The interrogation is pretty fucked up. This is because, the sergeant (Blackman) is a battle-hardened combat veteran, yet the old good-cop bad-cop routine is being used by two desk-hugging, fat old men who try and go agro at you. With something of that importance, they would surely have a recorder recording the conversation, yet you seem to be interrogated in a shitty room with no real security. The nail that ends this is that Call of Duty have already done this some 12 months earlier, which implies the need for Battlefield to catch up.
The Campaign then comes to a climax when you escape by hitting the fat old prick and jumping back on the train. Once the dejavu feeling is over you enter another emphasised melee attack and just as you are about to win, an explosion rips what is left of the train apart. When you come to, you find that Solomon has already come to and is escaping. You then continue your own little Blitzkrieg (lightning quick butt fuck for those who do not know what it means) on the poor bastards left and chase down the cunt. The campaign ends with yet another emphasised fight in which you finally get to beat the shit out of the fucking wanker. That character is a very hateable dickhead and a very good feeling of satisfaction is felt when he dies.
Battlefield 3 has the typical Battlefield online section, with Call of Duty influencing the online fighting, maps and weapons. The online section (when a good enough connection is found!) is pretty good, managing to fit the best of Battlefield online games with vehicles featuring prominently in most types of games while also fitting in the best of Call of Duty 6 online features. Fortunately someone up in the ivory towers at Battlefield thought that Call Of Duty 7 was way too shit to copy and so you get much better fighting and enjoyment out of it.
Battlefield has also grown a new specialised multiplayer section of the campaign, to offer more game for players. This section delivers competitive playing either against or with each other throughout various battlefields in the campaign. This section is also impressive with gameplay intensity not lost throughout the games, no matter what type of game you are playing.
One of the biggest problems with Battlefield Bad Company 2 was the weaponry was very basic and lacking any real thought and research. This has been changed, radically. There are now so many weapons featured in this game that it is almost impossible to use every single one. With LMG's and pistols suffering and SMG's and assault rifles growing like a hate clan for Rebecca Black! The game may have gone too far this time, but I am not going to complain, I would much rather have this than where there too few weapons.
Landscapes in Battlefield Bad Company 2 were piss-poor, too restricted and limited, while detail at the shitty low standard of Call of Duty 7. This has luckily been fixed, with the detail in the landscapes featured throughout the game, none more so than in the epic earthquake scene. The landscapes have become even more destructible now with it not limited only to certain sections, a thumbs up in this area.
Gameplay, unlike with Call of Duty 7 where the frequently jumping storyline ruining any chance of game enjoyment, this storyline is very well explained and does focus around what Sergeant Blackman does. There are multiple characters, but this storyline allows for them all to feature without a massive fuck up occurring. The gameplay once you get used to it is very enjoyable and would get full marks, with a long campaign, effort into most details and enjoyable gameplay if it was not so fucked up to begin with.
The game does suffer from what I am going to call SLG syndrome (Shithouse Loading and Graphics). Characters that suddenly enter the game take too long to load to have an extremely tense and good effect on gamers. Instead what actually happens is that you are normally left wondering what the fuck is going on. I know this is designed to work on the newest technology possible, but I have these troubles on a $2000 PC which is only a year old! Supposed great loading and graphics count for fuck all if the technology required to use it is as rare as pink dog shit, FARK!
The hand-to-hand fighting in the games has a massive range from awesome to really fucking rage worthy. The emphasised melee combat needs to be worked in the game better and needs to have a better range of difficulty. The worst melee attack is in the game, not only can AI characters knife quicker, longer and better than you can, not only does it not respond half the times you actually do it, but it has fallen for Call of Duty influence and is now just a knife across the screen. This is SSSSSSHHHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!
The worst thing about it is installing the game. Firstly, EA games have been re-named to Origin (I do not know why, their original name is associated with some of the best sporting games out there today. Their move then can be described as fucked.). Firstly you have to install Origin, normally this is a pain-less process which just involves entering some personal details and a password. It looks to be the same for Origin, do not be fooled, their new servers are really fucked-up and have caused quite a few people to rage very aggressively. (myself included.) If they do somehow manage to keep your password and allow you to use it again, then there is likely to be at some stage a connection failure. If you do not get this far, you are not one of the very few lucky people to have done so first try. When you finally get past Origin, the shit connection continues to the download of the game. Origin, I do not give a shit what the fucking problem is, just fucking fix it and fix it now!
Things we like:
Weapons are all real and much better.
Emphasised hand-to-hand fights are epic.
Online sections and communities are much better than "double tap, 360, no scope"� Call of Duty sections that just give me the shits.
Powerful and very effective storyline.
Gameplay is very enjoyable"�
Things we do not like:
"�Once you start playing. To start off with the game is fucked and very hard to like.
Connection and Origin are both such a pain in the arse. EA games (for that is your real name, get it fucking right!)
Battlefield Bad Company 2 looks very similar"� too fucking similar
Did Battlefield 3 continue the long-line of success or did it bomb out like Bad Company?
It bombed out like Battlefield Bad Company 2 and in the same areas but a massive improvement nonetheless.
7.5/10.
The game is remarkably better than its really shitty predecessor Battlefield Bad Company 2 and has a much better storyline than Call of Duty 7, but it was not meant to beat Call of Duty 7, it was meant to beat Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 and you will find out when I review Modern Warfare 3 whether it has. Although from the earliest reports, MW3 is shitting all over this.
I miss Battlefield 2 Modern Combat, which is one of the best battlefields ever made"�
So until next time"�
Posted by Magp1es on November 11th 2011 | 1 comment | Tweet
The latest saga for control of the first-shooter genre of games leads us to the latest battlefield, Battlefield 3. In this review, I exercise a shit-load of caution after Battlefield Bad Company 2, and the fact that the Bullshit detector is very fragile after the fifth excrement review. The last stage of this saga saw Battle field lose a lot of ground to Call of Duty, not to say that COD 7 was any good (in fact it was shithouse by their standards and not much better by any others), it is just that Bad Company was bad. Fucking awful to be precise, so hold your breath"�
Okay breathe properly now, (I cannot have you dying while not having read the rest of the review.) and we shall start. Battlefield 3 is the next link in the series of Battlefields that have been played over the years (thankfully, Bad Company (which is exactly what it is, Bad Company) is not directly linked to this series. Both of the first two Battlefields have enjoyed a shitload of success, both in its prime and today with many players preferring the better gameplay of the slightly older games. (For once they got fucking right!).
The campaign storyline starts off with a chase through New York City with the cops in pursuit. You decide it looks like a nice day, I'll jump off a bridge onto a very fast moving train. The seemingly fucked up idea is explained when you kick through a window onto the train. The train is being held by some random fucked up terrorists who could not shit straight let alone shoot straight. You fight through the train with ease until you see a dickhead setting a bomb on the cart, you then jump out the window across to the other carriage, GET SHOT and still manage to climb to the top of the carriage. One the bullshit detector alarm was turned off, you crawl along the roof, and start fighting again. The level ends when you get knocked down at gunpoint and asked basic interrogation questions.
The campaign then takes the exact same sort of set-up as Call of Duty: Black Ops. Where you have been captured and are being held for information regarding a nuclear attack on U.S soil. If Call of Duty are reading this, firstly hi, secondly copyright the fuck out of this. The campaign goes back to when the sergeant first heard and fought the PLR (who gives a shit what it stands for, it is corrupt and full of terrorists, like any other middle-eastern organisation is all you need to know.) You start to learn the basics of the game and are about to exit successfully when a major earthquake hits. This sort of twist in the gameplay is extremely good and has not been used by any other game to as good of an affect.
Throughout the campaign, you continue to fight as Sergeant Blackburn (in the game it sounds like blackman), as a female fighter pilot (which I shall bitch over later), a tank driver (SERGEANT Williams, again another rage session.) and a Spetsnaz operative in Paris. The campaign is centred around a war which has erupted over power faction struggles and the war actions taken against U.S soldiers by the PLR after the earthquake in Iraq. The war starts off with the assault on Iran (yes, Iran. This is actually a good thing, inventing a new war out of a situation that could actually happen today is very good thinking behind the storyline.) and the capturing of key areas within Iran. You then follow intelligence reports and attack a stronghold that supposedly houses the leader of the PLR, when you find the nuke and the missing nukes.
You then play as the Russian special forces officer and waste Paris. Apart from the satisfaction I get from fucking up a fuck up of a city, the gameplay at this stage is very addictive, and the storyline is starting to fit. You will understand what the fuck is going on. You have said that you have information on how to prevent a nuclear attack on New York, they suspect that you in association with the Russian spec ops officer have planned the attack on Paris and are wanted for genocide.
The interrogation is pretty fucked up. This is because, the sergeant (Blackman) is a battle-hardened combat veteran, yet the old good-cop bad-cop routine is being used by two desk-hugging, fat old men who try and go agro at you. With something of that importance, they would surely have a recorder recording the conversation, yet you seem to be interrogated in a shitty room with no real security. The nail that ends this is that Call of Duty have already done this some 12 months earlier, which implies the need for Battlefield to catch up.
The Campaign then comes to a climax when you escape by hitting the fat old prick and jumping back on the train. Once the dejavu feeling is over you enter another emphasised melee attack and just as you are about to win, an explosion rips what is left of the train apart. When you come to, you find that Solomon has already come to and is escaping. You then continue your own little Blitzkrieg (lightning quick butt fuck for those who do not know what it means) on the poor bastards left and chase down the cunt. The campaign ends with yet another emphasised fight in which you finally get to beat the shit out of the fucking wanker. That character is a very hateable dickhead and a very good feeling of satisfaction is felt when he dies.
Battlefield 3 has the typical Battlefield online section, with Call of Duty influencing the online fighting, maps and weapons. The online section (when a good enough connection is found!) is pretty good, managing to fit the best of Battlefield online games with vehicles featuring prominently in most types of games while also fitting in the best of Call of Duty 6 online features. Fortunately someone up in the ivory towers at Battlefield thought that Call Of Duty 7 was way too shit to copy and so you get much better fighting and enjoyment out of it.
Battlefield has also grown a new specialised multiplayer section of the campaign, to offer more game for players. This section delivers competitive playing either against or with each other throughout various battlefields in the campaign. This section is also impressive with gameplay intensity not lost throughout the games, no matter what type of game you are playing.
One of the biggest problems with Battlefield Bad Company 2 was the weaponry was very basic and lacking any real thought and research. This has been changed, radically. There are now so many weapons featured in this game that it is almost impossible to use every single one. With LMG's and pistols suffering and SMG's and assault rifles growing like a hate clan for Rebecca Black! The game may have gone too far this time, but I am not going to complain, I would much rather have this than where there too few weapons.
Landscapes in Battlefield Bad Company 2 were piss-poor, too restricted and limited, while detail at the shitty low standard of Call of Duty 7. This has luckily been fixed, with the detail in the landscapes featured throughout the game, none more so than in the epic earthquake scene. The landscapes have become even more destructible now with it not limited only to certain sections, a thumbs up in this area.
Gameplay, unlike with Call of Duty 7 where the frequently jumping storyline ruining any chance of game enjoyment, this storyline is very well explained and does focus around what Sergeant Blackman does. There are multiple characters, but this storyline allows for them all to feature without a massive fuck up occurring. The gameplay once you get used to it is very enjoyable and would get full marks, with a long campaign, effort into most details and enjoyable gameplay if it was not so fucked up to begin with.
The game does suffer from what I am going to call SLG syndrome (Shithouse Loading and Graphics). Characters that suddenly enter the game take too long to load to have an extremely tense and good effect on gamers. Instead what actually happens is that you are normally left wondering what the fuck is going on. I know this is designed to work on the newest technology possible, but I have these troubles on a $2000 PC which is only a year old! Supposed great loading and graphics count for fuck all if the technology required to use it is as rare as pink dog shit, FARK!
The hand-to-hand fighting in the games has a massive range from awesome to really fucking rage worthy. The emphasised melee combat needs to be worked in the game better and needs to have a better range of difficulty. The worst melee attack is in the game, not only can AI characters knife quicker, longer and better than you can, not only does it not respond half the times you actually do it, but it has fallen for Call of Duty influence and is now just a knife across the screen. This is SSSSSSHHHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!
The worst thing about it is installing the game. Firstly, EA games have been re-named to Origin (I do not know why, their original name is associated with some of the best sporting games out there today. Their move then can be described as fucked.). Firstly you have to install Origin, normally this is a pain-less process which just involves entering some personal details and a password. It looks to be the same for Origin, do not be fooled, their new servers are really fucked-up and have caused quite a few people to rage very aggressively. (myself included.) If they do somehow manage to keep your password and allow you to use it again, then there is likely to be at some stage a connection failure. If you do not get this far, you are not one of the very few lucky people to have done so first try. When you finally get past Origin, the shit connection continues to the download of the game. Origin, I do not give a shit what the fucking problem is, just fucking fix it and fix it now!
Things we like:
Weapons are all real and much better.
Emphasised hand-to-hand fights are epic.
Online sections and communities are much better than "double tap, 360, no scope"� Call of Duty sections that just give me the shits.
Powerful and very effective storyline.
Gameplay is very enjoyable"�
Things we do not like:
"�Once you start playing. To start off with the game is fucked and very hard to like.
Connection and Origin are both such a pain in the arse. EA games (for that is your real name, get it fucking right!)
Battlefield Bad Company 2 looks very similar"� too fucking similar
Did Battlefield 3 continue the long-line of success or did it bomb out like Bad Company?
It bombed out like Battlefield Bad Company 2 and in the same areas but a massive improvement nonetheless.
7.5/10.
The game is remarkably better than its really shitty predecessor Battlefield Bad Company 2 and has a much better storyline than Call of Duty 7, but it was not meant to beat Call of Duty 7, it was meant to beat Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 and you will find out when I review Modern Warfare 3 whether it has. Although from the earliest reports, MW3 is shitting all over this.
I miss Battlefield 2 Modern Combat, which is one of the best battlefields ever made"�
So until next time"�
Posted by Magp1es on November 11th 2011 | 1 comment | Tweet